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News From Away Jimmy and Seamus' news catch of the day includes Salman Rushdie, Ontario teachers, and Mark McGwire Mansbridge News Updates Peter Mansbridge does his news updates from a variety of unique Canadian locations Bank Statement The idea of bank mergers leaves a financial analyst laughing all the way to the bank Clinton Goes Straight The unveiling of the new, monogamous, Bill Clinton 12 Year-old Hunting A father and son bond while hunting Chretien - Pepper Spray Jean Chretien's new product, ""Protestor-Off"" Boris Interviewed Hana Gartner interviews Boris Yeltsin
Andy Scott's Denial Solicitor General Andy Scott gets a few denials off his chest Wendy Report Mike from Canmore helps Wendy Mesley understand the APEC inquiry, Canadian Blood Services, and Bill Clinton's impeachment Donut Visions A miracle takes place at one of Canada's holiest of shrines, a donut shop Annie Get Your Guns The Minister of Justice shoots more than just her mouth off about gun control The Canadian Plumbing Awards Canada's finest get their chance at the Golden Plunger Wallin's Fish Show A submerged Pamela Wallin interviews a bi-coastal salmon Montreal Eaton's Signs A Montreal Eaton's store gets a new shipment of English signs
Arafat and Netanyahu Meet Middle East love connection, Yassar Arafat meets Benjamin Netanyahu Brenda the Bingo Lady Brenda the Bingo Lady's headline hunting bingo lingo Career Advice A university professor has some career advice for the students Parizeau Criticizes Bouchard In response to the upcoming Quebec election, Jacques Parizeau goes from being hot under the collar to wet behind the ears Queen's Comments The Queen wants her face off our falling dollar Bob MacKenzie and Hockey Veteran NHL Report with Bob ""Big Head"" MacKenzie News of 2021 A futuristic look at the news of the year 2021 Videopinion - Pepper Spray The sporting side of Pepper Spray
ESL News English As A Second Language News looks at Jean Chretien's baseball bat comment, Ben Johnson, Augusto Pinochet, Mary Kay Latourneau, the World Series, Clinton Anniversary, CBC Reporter's comments, and Greek Orthodox Priests Labrador Helicopter A Labrador helicopter crew refuses to pick up government officials in distress Beavertone News Beavertone News reports on three separate public appearances by Boris Yeltsin Canada SM Canada SM host Dan Matheson interviews the Bondage Queen from Thornhill Aphazard - New Drug Professor Llewelyn Aphazard takes a hard look at Viagra Larry King Larry King interviews the original space cadet, John Glenn Rich Couple A rich couple discusses their finances Raging Grannies Vancouver's Raging Grannies make the Terrorist Top Ten List Paul Martin Paul Martin's 3.5 billion dollar budget surplus giveaway
Canadian Moment The donut shop regulars sink their teeth into Joe Clark, possible Reform-Conservative coalition, Newspaper takeover, John Glenn, bra-bridge, Mike Piazza, new coat of arms for Toronto, Halloween, abortionist shooting, and the Quebec election. Chretien Disclaimer Reports of American influence have Jean Chretien seeing red, white and blue. Mike Phones Sex Line Mike from Canmore phones a sex line. John Glenn Blastoff A few words from John Glenn as he blasts off into space Conrad Black Conrad Black launches The National post The XL Files Scully and Mulder prove that UFO means Unidentified Food Object on The XL Files The Pope Confesses The Pope goes to confession Chretien/Clinton/Yeltsin Jean Chretien, Bill Clinton, and Boris Yeltsin share their thoughts on different topics CBC Morning - Final Discussion The Asian markets leave CBC Morning's hosts wanting to commit financial hari kari
Chretien Conference Jean Chretien believes APEC stands for 'Always Pepperspray Every Complainer' Cirque de Celine Celine Dion has a shattering singing experience Tom's Bar While at the parliamentary bar, two Canadian Senators knock back the news stories of the week Bouchard Ad Lucien Bouchard makes a down-home campaign commercial Gabereau and Barrett Vicki Gabereau interviews two automated banking machines, and discovers one is Bank of Montreal boss Mathew Barrett Smokers' Commentary Two smokers take their break in the designated gossip area. The two discuss the pending war in Iraq, Joe Clark, New Gingrich, Hell's Angels' home for sale, new wrestler governor, Chretien compared to Mark McGwire, Swedish disco fire, the closing of Ontario schools, and Thomas Jefferson's extramarital experience Sportset Sportsnet's newest host discusses violence with hockey's most erudite goon
New Conservative Leader Newly elected Conservative Party leader Joe Clark demands a recount Martha Stewart News Martha Stewart chats with birthday boy Prince Charles Videopion - Co-ed Scouts Old boys Ernie and Harold share their thoughts on co-ed scouting Quebec Debate '98 The Quebec election debate pits Lucien Bouchard and Jean Charest against moderator, Mike from Canmore Saddam and Bobbie At the Saddam Hussein Golf Classic, UN inspectors putt for show and explode for dough Sadsack Psychiatrist A psychiatrist attempts to help a man who has a dysfunctional family Jock McBile Jock scans the headlines and rants about Jean Chretien in Kuala Lumpur, Doug Flutie, Eaton's new boss, Zippergate, the Reform Party, BC Cigarette Tax, Toronto Police strip searches, Quebec Medicare, and The Grey Cup
Manning - United Alternative Preston Manning and Deborah Grey sing the blues to unite the right Canada A.M. Caffeine enriched Valerie Pringle interviews Switzerland's cough drop crazies Impeachment Inquiry Highlights Kenneth Starr's impeachment hearing is like the Clinton / Lewinsky affair - fast and dirty Chicken Cannon News The Chicken Cannon takes aim at the news of the week. Topics covered include the Quebec election, Saddam Hussein, Margaret Atwood, General Pinochet, Toronto Blue Jay manager's war record, Jack Kervorkian, Paula Jones, Conrad Black, Virgin Mary sighting in pizza billboard Cafe Monologue Coffee and commentary about a figure skater's relationship that has hit thin ice Wallin & Andy Scott The Andy Scott Story - loose lips sink dips Woman Taunts Blind Date There's more to meet the eye when a woman goes on a blind date Investing Priests Investment advice from a couple of priests
Bouchard Press Conference Lucien Bouchard introduces his Minister of Winning Conditions, Bonhomme Referendum Holiday Church Donation While in church, a man digs deep into his pocket when the collecton plate arrives Shopping Channel - Xmas Gifts The Home Shopping Channel offers popular Christmas gift ideas from 2,000 Flushes inventor, Al Eisen DaVinci's Inquest CBC's newest crime drama, 'Leonardo DaVinci's Inquest' Canadian Moment The donut shop dunkers discuss Furby, E.I. premiums, Monica Lewinsky, Albert Bell, Dennis Rodman, The Love Boat, New Brunswick mental health laws Old Man Without Christmas Trees An old man has a unique way of getting a Christmas tree for free Gun Registry Spokesmen Two hunters target Canada's new gun registration law Man in Bar A bar patron has some sobering thoughts about the week's news
News From Away Jimmy and Seamus O'Toole look back and laugh at the top stories making the news in 1998. Included on their humour hit list are a Canadian Couple returning from a Brazilian Jail, Saddam Hussein getting bombed, Operation Desert Fox, Asian Financial Crisis, plywood police, the Quebec election, Dorothy Joudrie, and a woman who gives birth over the internet. Martha Stewart and Bill Clinton Bill Clinton is treated to a Martha Stewart dipped cigar Mike's Holiday Thought Mike from Canmore demonstrates the only way to have a turkey for dinner Joe Clark and Jean Chretien Special guest Joe Clark discusses politics with Jean Chretien CTV News with Lloyd Robertson Special guest Lloyd Robertson anchors a newscast and sings from his favourite opera Sister Bonaventure Sister Bonaventure has a few choice words about High School strip searches I Love That Word Refooooorm Special guest Deborah Grey joins our Preston Manning in the singing of Auld Lang Syn
Chretien Phones Clinton Jean Chretien phones in his support for Bill Clinton Beavertone News - The Olympics A bribery scandal has an Olympic spokesperson changing the organization's name from IOC to IOU Mansbridge and Expectant Mother Canada's most handsome newscaster interviews Canada's most pregnant woman ESL News The English As A Second Language News team targets a downed balloonist, a postal increase, and Bill Clinton, who goes both up and down The Confused Philosopher The Confused Philosopher takes a cerebral walk on the weird side Beavertone News - Atwood Bug Margaret Atwood discovers what it is like to have a bug's life Billy Two Willies Native spokesperson Billy Two Willies lists the Top Ten ways to spend one hundred million dollars Sisket & Ebert Bickering balcony buddies, Siskel & Ebert go thumb to thumb over their favourite movies from 1998
Air Canada Blackout An Air Canada spokesperson gives stranded customers the ultimate snow job Brenda The Bingo Lady Brenda dabs and gabs about Toronto's snow disaster, snow in Ottawa, Olympic bribery scandal, St. John's man swallows a pin at a McDonald's, Pope plans to visit Clinton, Chretien turns 65, Manitoba election scandal, Walt Disney video recall Rex Murphy - Impeachment Rex Murphy, the perspicacious purveyor of political pundacity, probes President Clinton's impeachment Life & Times Promo Tim Horton Queen Plans Wedding Wedding fever hits Buckingham Palace The Inept Carpenter Handyman from Hell, Roy Earle drills for trouble The Member for Kicking Horse Pass Special guest Dave Broadfoot goes looking for a sex scandal in Ottawa One Minute Sports Break TSN's Darren Dutchyshen uses his One Minute Sports Break to look at Mike Tyson's upcoming fight, the NHL's lack of exposure on NBC, an NBA training camp, Michael Jordan retires, and the Toronto Ma
Clinton - State of the Union Bill Clinton's State of the Union Address, pop-up video style Beavertone News Child mauls rottweiler Canada AM Canada AM's Dan Matheson interviews a blizzard battered Toronto couple Senate Testimony Impeachment trial Representatives face the ultimate immorality, themselves Dave the Cab Driver Dave the cab driver experiences headline-rage. Included on his hit list are, Canadian winters, La Nina, Olympic committee bribes, Boris Yeltsin not dead again, Russians sell blood for money, Pope goes to Mexico, New Ottawa pet law, Olympic stadium, Sheila Copps in Hustler, and Canadians retire on lottery winnings. Saddam Yankees Saddam Hussein stars in a new Broadway musical, ""Saddam Yankees"" Pamela Wallin Garth Drabinsky talks to Pamela Wallin about his new book, ""How to Fail Your Way To Fame And Fortune"" Larry King An interview with God
Sunday Report Sunday Report with Wendy Mesley looks at the Pope in St. Louis, Hilary Clinton's new self-help book, Sprint long distance company, Mafia selling uranium, Sasquatch, Dan Quayle, Olympic bribery scandal, Brian Tobin, Elsie Wayne, Reform Party name change Weather Report Five day weather forecast for Toronto Bob McKenzie & Alexei Yashin Alexei Yashin gives one million reasons why he wants his money back from the National Arts Centre Weather Report Five day weather forecast for Vancouver Chretien's Swiss Dinner Speech Jean Chretien tastes the Swiss national dish, Ricola Meatloaf Weather Report Five day forecast for the Yukon Graveside Phone-in Mourners' cell phones keep interupting a funeral Impeachment Panel Geraldo Rivera discusses impeachment with Elizabeth Dole, Ted Kennedy, and Larry Flynt. A winner, a sinner, and a dog's dinner Pope Visits U.S. The Pope visits St. Louis, home of the patron saint of baseball Weather Report F
Videopinion - Wiarton Willy Wiarton Willy's widow, Winnie, delivers her late husband's eulogy Smokers' Commentary Smokers Phil and Jerry talk about Jean Chretien's social contract with the provinces, PEI snow removal crews go to a Leaf's game, Groundhog Day, blowing forty bucks at the Super Bowl, Nova Scotia coal miners, smuggling refugees under a truck, sex causes amnesia, Canadian military in Kosovo, American Senate doesn't get the two thirds vote, and legislation for American magazines coming into Canada House of Commons Translation The House of Commons provides simultaneous translation for those who don't speak Chretien-adian Joe Clark and Leslie Jones Leslie Jones interviews Joe Clark, who sums up the idea of uniting the right in three words, ""Just Say No"" Aphazard on Fat Professor Llewllyn Aphazard lectures on the evolution of fat Linehan Talk show host Brian Linehan interviews Italian director Alfredo Fettuccini Ted Nugent on Bear Hunt Ban Rocker Te
Downhill Chretien Not attending King Hussein's funeral makes Jean Chretien the newest dope on the slope Chicken Cannon News The Chicken Cannon News scores a direct hit on Juan Antonio Samarranch. Topics covered - mourning King Hussein, Boris Yeltsin turns 68, new Toronto beer, Barbie turns 40, smuggling immigrants into Buffalo, Exorcism For Dummies, new Olympic mascot, Clinton acquitted, Jerry Falwell's favourite Teletubby, Vancouver Grizzlies, new Toronto cat law Nancy Wilson and Colin Thatcher Convicted murderer Colin Thatcher can't keep his horse in jail Bouchard - State of the Province Lucien Bouchard is upset with the new social contract, it leaves Quebecers with nothing to bitch about Elton John Tribute Elton John sings about the loss of his closest friend, Wiarton Willy Mike's Valentine Thoughts Mike from Canmore writes a Valentine poem Tobin Media Conference Re-elected Newfoundland Premier Brian Tobin denies he has bigger cod to fry Political
